January 10, 2012 / by James Whatley">James Whatley / Comedy, The Music, Video / 6 Comments

Want U Back

In which our hero dons his Agony Uncle hat and helps out a woman in need…

Cher Lloyd has a new single out called ‘Want U Back’. This is not news, nor is it something I would normally write about. However, one watch of the video below and you too may very well be compelled to put pen to paper to help the poor girl out.

First things first, Cher: you did the dumping lover, which means you can’t get all wanton and worthy now that your man has moved on. Harassing your ex-bf after you’ve done the deed is just not cool. Leave them be and move on – they’re just having fun! For realsies.

I know you’re sad and jealous [don’t deny it, her jeans really don’t come into it] but to be honest darling, the real issue here is that you’re addicted to social media!

Yes, there’s no branding on the photos that you’re browsing on that oh so conveniently placed iPad of yours, but there is no denying it – you’re actually Facebook stalking him, aren’t you?

Spending hours and hours moping around on your bed, hunting down photos of him and his new flower having fun is just not healthy dear (we’ve all done it), but why torture yourself in this way?

Gloating that you had him first is no fun for anyone (it’s just plain unattractive for a start) and look, of course he’s going to visit the same places you went to, you live in the same town!

Truth be told, you don’t want him back, you know you don’t. You just want what you can’t have. You let him free and you let him go and, sorry to say it (and as you quite rightly point out), the boy is flying! You can’t blame him for that.

Unfriend him on Facebook, unfollow him on Twitter and just have done with it. If he wants you, he’ll come a-runnin’ – but I doubt he will, not now you’ve all gone all helicopter anyway… Seriously, what is that about?!

I feel your pain. 10yrs ago this level of sophisticated monitoring required a private detective (or two) and several thousands of pounds worth of surveillance equipment. You’d probably need a lawyer too.

But Cher, honestly, in this day and age? People share stuff. And, while it isn’t easy to just not look. You really should stop give yourself a big hug, get out of the house and go and enjoy yourself.

Lots of love,

James

PS. That boy Astro [I recognise him, has he done any TV?], he looks a bit young for you lass. Just sayin’.

PPS. Love the track. Good work.

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6 comments on “Want U Back”

  1. Zoe says:

    Brilliantly said James!

    [Reply]

  2. Angela says:

    Good post. I’m sure Cher will move on soon enough.

    [Reply]

  3. Matt Heath says:

    Well said James.

    I would have said he has upgraded too, whatever Cher thinks about herself. 🙂

    [Reply]

  4. John Hood says:

    Is that the fabled iPad 3? 😉

    [Reply]

  5. Kevin says:

    It sounds nowt like a helicopter.

    [Reply]

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